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Bench Minor Five

Saturday, April 30, 2016 - Sunday, May 1, 2016
Host club: 
Lexington Bike Polo
Contact info: 

GM List:
Arnold Fransisco - New York
Shannon Frey - Vancouver
Javier Garcia-Albea - Boston
Matt Hewitt - Milwaukee
Adam Say - Lexington
Kayla Story - Austin
Forest Timonere - San Fransisco
Bob Delgado - Tallahassee

Teams of seven. GM's will pick six players, for a total of forty eight picks.
Live draft date tentatively January 8th, 9.30PM EST.
Use the link below to enter the draft.


Coolavin Park Lexington, KY
United States

Signed up





fucking html

change your unusually long username all you want, the hyperlink will always say rookie nick. you can thank floppy for being there first and necessitating such a nickname.


Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

Are y'all going to do the draft live again with a stream?


Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

oh boy this is exciting.

nickgw wrote:

oh boy this is exciting.

jacques c wrote:
nickgw wrote:

oh boy this is exciting.

I was just thinking about this the other day. This is gonna be rad. 6 draftees + captain, or 6 total players per team?

I hope 6+captain. A 7 player bench is perfect for a long game.

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang



JacobCPH wrote:


Can't wait to get drafted and then not go.

We need to sort out a new punishment for this this year.

known flakers ineligible status?

Non refundable deposit could be effective.

This warrants a list of know flakers

I'll start it:

Nick Dellwo, Bench Minor 4

Dang draft strategy is going to be crucial if GMs only get 5 picks. You blow one of those picks and you're team is gonna underperform. Also the later rounds are gonna be where this tournament might be won or lost. I remember when Chris and I took stats at the last Bench Minor, that the best performing teams we're getting 1st and 2nd round performance out of their late picks.

I kinda wish I was a gm so I could really geek out on polo draft strategy.

Anyone want a scout?

- Sincerely
Olsen Aviles

I'm stoked on the level of geeking out that's possible now with all these stats collected by Podium, however imprecise it may be to apply team stats to individuals. GMs have some real numbers to look at now.

Let us see the list like the good ole days
Also more YouTube clips thnx


I want play! Somebody pick me

Biscuits of fervor!

i have never lost a game of bike polo and ill be dressed to kill my enemies with laughter. if my team does

nt win you all get a bottle of Bulleit rye. If we do win add champagne to podium.

"So this is how it ends"MACHINE

i have never lost a game of bike polo and ill be dressed to kill my enemies with laughter. if my team does

nt win you all get a bottle of Bulleit rye. If we do win add champagne to podium.

"So this is how it ends"MACHINE

and i can double post better than Rawbie Boardz

"So this is how it ends"MACHINE

i am probably the only player in the world that you could put in a game for 8 hours straight and never have to hydrate , eat , drink or get fried. If anyone can match that pick me anyway coz laughter is the cure i am at 100 %fitness for the first time since 2006 ..... yeah believe it or not none of you have ever seen me at my best.
Yer all going down

"So this is how it ends"MACHINE

Steve your going to have to do better that a bottle of trendy mid shelf whiskey to play in this one bud. Never lost a game? Gtfo with that bull I'd believe that you've called a full game without cursing before I believed that.

How are the GMs going to discern which sign ups are legit and which aren't? Full disclosure I can't remember how many but I signed up a bunch of people while I was drunk in airports the past few weeks. Except for biddle he seems like a legit pick.

A couple of details have been updated. GM's will be drafting six players, for a total of 48 picks. Draft signup will close December 31st at midnight. Tentative draft date January 8th, 9.30pm EST. Stay tuned. Draft list can be viewed.

"December 31st at midnight"

LOL. If there's one deadline that polo players won't miss it's one that ends on midnight on a party night!

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

"GM's will be drafting six players, for a total of 48 picks"


Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

where can the draft list be viewed?


Where is the best place to hide something?

found it :)

way to keep bench moving forward!

that list is so ridiculously too damn long...hopefully GMs will draft to build TEAMS and not just pick PLAYERS this time. double digit blowouts should not happen in this format! If you're team gets destroyed like 7-0ed you failed as a GM.

looking forward to seeing how this plays out...STREAMED?

If you're team gets destroyed like 7-0ed you failed as a GM.

That's dramatic.

Does it make sense to have a seven round to draft alternate players in case of flake/drop out?

YES to a round of alternates. I could give logics, but mostly because


Drew Thomas, Kremin, Kruse, Fletcher, Stiven. Easily the top five.


True bro.


the list is hiding in plain sight. Use the force, you'll find it.

I'm an idiot. Also probably don't need to ask for time off for this one given the number of people better than me on that list.


haha, right?!

All 5 of those people put together are maybe as good as C. Hamersly.

I see you've listened to the newest Shuffle! Podcast.

classic GM...rate the so called "best" players based on past tournament results over all around individual skill and then overlook that their success was due to them playing their role on their previous teams but then expecting greatness from them in alternate roles on a bench team. that above team would have no assist gifted midfielder, one goalie, no true iso defender, one long shot threat and a bunch of ball monopolizers. not saying they aren't good players at their areas of expertise but you can't put them anywhere on the court and say they are top 5 at every spot.

you notice Carmelo don't win shit for the Knicks...

You're like that significant other who just really wants to have a fight about the dishes in the sink.


I just one time want to watch a polo game where I don't cringe at the holes in the game...is that too much to ask? if this is recorded I'm hoping for some legit games to watch. i want to see goals scored off of legit offense. I don't want to see goals scored off of utter failures on defense. there is a difference.

I like doing dishes...it's relaxing.

Everyone's a fucking critic

Get a dishwasher.

When I'm at my moms house and I try to help out by loading the dishwasher she fully rearranges everything I put in.

that does not sound relaxing

if they are the top 5 picks then they would all be playing on different teams?


Kruse nailed it.

I wouldn't take advice from a dude who recently got a belly swoll. Aim for the chin.

perfect...this IS the exact logic used thus far in BM. no teambuilding...just "next highest ranked player". POSITIONALLY some people are better than others. it's how sports works...it's how polo should work. ESPECIALLY BENCH. there's blowouts everytime? why?

You have to start from somewhere, am I right?

look at all these ball monopolizers

Lefty Joe
Pierre D
Henry Norris

I'd like to monopolize scooter's balls.

Samson ain't Samson no more...

Is scoot even signed up? I don't see him on the list. Do I have an old list?

is that really your evaluation of each of those players skills? I see minimum one goalie, two defenders and two lefties with lasers.

jason f-off wrote:

is that really your evaluation of each of those players skills?

pretty much my reaction to the initial post

(that said i can tell you that those 'defensive players' did not get tons of court time in the elimination games, and the goalie was too busy lighting us up to block many shots. and as for lefties, they are the worst ball monopolizers of all)

but i digress, if i were a gm i would just pick my friends and get blown out in every game

you'd be the first GM to actually admit it...you'd have to at least kinda respect someone being up front about something like that at least.

This is why DOG SOCCER rules all!!!!!


There's blowouts in every sport. That's how sports "works".

Ever heard a NFL player say, "This is the NFL, anything can happen"? Well, This is the NAHBP, anything can happen.

in those other sports there are salary caps and players can choose where they go...the blowouts in bench in polo are from clueless GMs.

So who makes your hypothetical team? Please enlighten us while noting this team has all the advantages of not competing against other people while picking this team.


Don't feed the trolls

i thought the whole point of this tournament was to create schoolyard drama anyway???

DOGvsRaptor is that person who is mean to F-Off because they secretly have a crush and don't know how to express their feelings

raddison wrote:

DOGvsRaptor is that person who is mean to F-Off because they secretly have a crush and don't know how to express their feelings

Nailed it. I'm a sucker for contradiction and inane ramblings.

Nope - Kremin, Kruse, Hammersly, Dirks, Mills

Dude, you're insane. You were even at NAs and you're not going to give fletcher the nod? He scored (imo) the prettiest goal of the entire tournament. http://mrdovideo.com/2015/10/propectors-vs-guardians/ (at 12:08)
To have the presence of mind in a game like that to take the extra touches and go for the backhand when Nick was obviously expecting a forehand ripper (which most players would instinctively do) was really impressive to me.



Combination of choice: Smash + Bang


Can we move on from what would make a bad team, and just skip to:

1) Fantasy team line-ups
2) Self-promotion

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

My comments-only team picks:
2. Drink more Bourbon.
3. I like turtles
4. Super good cuddles
5. Heckle game on point. Gold tooth game strong
6. No team, no stream. Haha just kidding. But, seriously...
7. I'll shuffle one goal per game for fun. Think about it....

And since I'm too lazy to delete, here are the runners-up:
can eat many cheeseburgers and drink many beers
Teams are named after me.
Death to the demoness Allegra Geller!
I have nothing going for me.. if I dont get picked I might run into traffic with a helmet full of bees. You want that kind of blood on your hands??
Taught Adam Say how to ride a bike.
can eat a lot of food in one sitting, goon, above average polo player, can keep secrets
I can hold my breath an average amount of time.


"Taught Adam Say how to ride a bike"

This had me laughing for a while.

Keep your standards low, and morale high.

Alias wrote:

2) Self-promotion

-haven't played since november
-cries at tournaments
-for a skinny girl, pretty good at keeping benches warm (contact the estates of B. Dillman and E. Crandall for references)
-flat pedals/the crease is lava
-ex polo blogger
-cool hats
-still not sure i even want to go

"flat pedals/the crease is lava"

Bike polo as corporate team building retreats.

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

I think self promotion deserves its own thread.

Things that will make a good team: Not elbowing people in the spine

My fantasy team:
Jonny Hunter
Nick Regan

My fantasy team:
Mark Capriotti
Nick Kruse
Cris GT
Brendan G
Brian "Prince of Delaware"


Alias wrote:

Can we move on from what would make a bad team, and just skip to:

2) Self-promotion

-I can drink a lot of bourbon.
-My teammate once scored a goal on the Beavers.
-I took the credit for said goal.
-I will provide sound medical advice when you get hurt by telling you to walk it off.
-Did I mention that I like bourbon?

Edit: glitchy double posts

To jump on the self promotion train:

-My high score at $2 rail night is $70
-Sandwich game stronger than anyone currently registered
-I hold Tom B's power of attorney during lunchtime
-270 lbs of something or other

"I hold Tom B's power of attorney during lunchtime"

Yo, I'm dyin' here

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

I would highly recommend keeping James on retainer for any sammich related endeavours.

I have no idea what y'all talking about here but it makes me snort/laugh so please continue.

-Robbie Eccles
-Toni (b optional)
-Johnny Crash
-Zac B (future special-interest fund "raiser")
-Someone from Cleveland
-Alexis on 700c bike (just b/c dreamboat)


/ / / B A D V I B E S / / /

CDEES wrote:

-Someone from Cleveland

Gotta keep that goon game strong.

For all interested parties. Draft sign up closes on December 31st at midnight. Draft order will be announced Wednesday December 30th. If you would like to sign up for the draft please use the link.


Livestream bourbon drinking contest for pick order

For the rest who haven't seen the list yet, here it is. Enjoy.


Based on my power rankings pick 5/12 or 6/11 is the honey hole.

kik me your power rankings

Attention tomorrow is the final day to sign up for the draft. Signups will close promptly at midnight. Additionally, you will find the draft order here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXFqsp8v8-U

draft order, for the lazy:

So.... Kremin for the first pick.

He's been first picked the most.

ugh why did you have to remind me!

Kremin doesn't even play polo anymore. Hence his crappy comment in his notes. Plus no heckle game=hella lame

I can't believe Javier's leaving his kids. #whatwouldtedcruzdo

12/31/2015 8:54:54 Mark Capriotti
2 time Bench Minor Champ (Chicago MVP). Great last round pick.

Can you design a sleigh out of those coat tails?

confirm or deny

yo no se papitpo... facile

Any GMs looking for that sleeper pick to push them over the top, may I suggest Chicago's very own Mark Frens and Tomo Music (they both play a great team game, they have awesome individual skills, they are killers). If you want all the heart and great potential for a breakout performance, pick up Clinton Saldana. Anybody from Chicago is going to be a smiling face and a positive force on your bench, scoring fat goals along the way.

i love that some of you so-called experts are making lists. where all the full mock drafts? let's keep it coming.

MOCK DRAFTS! I'm down.

Y'all been mocked

interesting. I'll add it to the algorithm.

C'mon Hewitt, shock the world.

pretty good mock at taking into consideration regional ties, team loyalty and friendship status.

how would this tourney play out? what's your rankings prediction? most valuable late round pick aka "the shitty" award?

Ben Hunter is clearly the most valuable late round pick.

I would agree with that.

My fantasy team:
1.Matt Lane
2.Matt Lane
3.Matt Lane
4.Matt Lane
5.Matt Lane
6.Matt Lane
7.Ben Hunter

Hurt Feelings

I don't know shit about embedding. Deal with it

1. Shitty
2. AirInHand
3. Horse
4. Matt Lane
5. Kado
6. Jessi

1. Kruse
2. Lefty Joe
3. Chris W.
4. Addison
5. Rob B.
6. Graham N.

1. Bob
2. Jake the Snake
3. Chris Hill
4. Nate
5. Porch
6. Diego Ayala

1. Fletcher
2. Sean Marsh
3. Charlie Hill
4. Alias
5. Shelley
6. Matt Bailey

1. Hams
2. Mick
3. Tina
4. Lomax
5. Captain Jake
6. Stas

1. Ace
2. Alexis
3. Brian Bolles
4. Bruce Wahl
5. Danielle Khleang
6. Taco Tony

1. Miguel Reyes
2. Nick D.
3. Chris Evans
4. Greg Valentine
5. Nic Maglio
6. Sam Bell

1. Stiven
2. Mark Aseltine
3. Rob Glatfelter
4. Bernadette Watts
5. Dana Gordon
6. Jillian Browy

awwww nick! <3

I think only 3 of the GMs even know who I am.. 1 of those 3 may or may not know me.. but I know them.. interesting to see where I'm picked and in what round.

You sound so certain.

Just know you need mangy mongrel insurance if he's your pick.

Have you looked at the list of registered players?

Philly Bike Polo leading the pre-draft hype with sheer bravado, no doubt.

I'd like to buy a lock of each one of yinz chest-hair for the post tourney fanmail plz

/ / / B A D V I B E S / / /

LAST CALL for registering for the draft, until MIDNIGHT tomorrow. After that it will be closed with zero exceptions.

PM me if you want to listen to Elliott Smith with me over Google Hangouts after we don't get picked

Today at pick up, I began my new years training for Bench Minor. I didn't even bring my mallet, I spent all day smashing people into the boards and promoting general violence.

Let's stop pretending that passing leads to scoring. Pick me and let's play some power polo. Thx and happy new year.


Alias made me a promo gif.

haha, classic.

Mmmmmmmmm guts!!!

Hello. We have had a few players email about not being signed up for the draft. If you intended to sign up for the draft, but do not see your name listed here (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1P239YPesd7K06WfErUtAFFSf-OYnP2gx...) please email benchminorfive@gmail.com to be added to the list.

Their teammate is a GM and Ace and Shitty still couldn't manage to sign up before the deadline.

Correction. This was meant for people who may have filled out the form incorrectly, or had hit submit before finishing the form.

TIL polo players struggle with basic functions of daily life. Color me surprised.

that court surface blows

No the little holes on the ground help the ball get lift. If you use a green mallet head, the mallet head will disappear on the court and it'll look like the shots come out of nowhere.


stop posting gifs of javs kids on the internet

A: Date or time which something must be done.
B: A time in which something is not excited.
C: A line around or within a prison that a prisoner passes at the risk of being shot.

You make the rules and I'll play the game.

Shots fired

Luv 2 hate

Ace and shitty are signed up now?? Time to update my mock draft

Please post ur results

i hope arnold drafts me

patti wrote:

i hope arnold drafts me

Javier wrote:
patti wrote:

i hope arnold drafts me

Tomorrow we get to find out who the 48 most popular kids in school are!!! Srsly tho, there needs to be at least 2 alternate slots for droppers. Unless the kids in Lex are counting on people bailing so they get to swoop in???

Nervous John wrote:

the kids in Lex are counting on people bailing so they get to swoop in???

swoop in and fill empty slots from people bailing last minute. If you're living in Lex, chances are it'll be pretty easy to make it to this tourney...

Can we get a draft day GM tinychat?

"Jake the snake" is not Jake Langdon. Confirm or deny?

GOALIE! he can unexpectedly score ridiculous goals out of nowhere but he shines in goal! double wheel covers and everything. great positive attitude but not a Langdon on offense.

Will the draft be live?

Who's in charge of this shit show? Please take me off the draft I can't make it.


Don't tell Hewitt!

Aww man who am I gonna hang on the boards like a piece of laundry now?????

Yes, the draft will be in fact live. The link is below


The draft will start promptly at 9.30 PM EST tomorrow January 8th, 2016.

Please take a moment and have a look at the registered players for the list. If you cannot make it for any reason, or you need to be taken off the list, please email benchminorfive@gmail.com. You will have until tomorrow evening to make any changes. Thank you.

Link to the registered players list.

First Drew drops and now Kremin drops, dang... My new top five players in the draft are Kruse, Shitty, Fletcher, Stiven, Sean.


IMO Fletcher is the top multi-role player on the list.

In this thread: Portland tootin' each other's horns.

Remember that one time at Bench Minor some dude from Portland elbowed some dude in the back ?

neither fletcher nor shitty are particularly amazing in goal that i'm aware of so I wouldn't say either are true all rounders but I think shitty gets the nod in the multi-role category. he's the better iso defender IMHO and also better on his bike which should equal less dabs.

why fletcher over shitty for you?

Team dynamics. If it was simply Shitty v Fletcher, then shitty would win (barely because of less dabbing). But in a team, Fletcher is loud and communicative, is able to quarter back and direct a team well, as well as just being able to play well with a variety of players. (also, a solid goalie). I'm not saying Shitty can't do those things well (one of the best, for sure), but Fletcher takes it IM(biased)O.

I wasn't at NAs and the videos don't convey the qb aspect of Fletcher's game...interesting. a positive for sure on HIS team but what about on bench? if he's adaptable that's one thing but if he feels stronger than his coach then that could be troublesome...or not!

None of that matters when team dance party spring break 2012 is in effect


kev wrote:

Reposting from August 2012:

Live chat at http://webchat.freenode.net/ use the channel "bikepolo".

Kruse, get in my shirt.

Also pay for my ticket and you can hang me on the boards all you want big boi.


I want to see a trade go down this year. C'mon y'all, draft some trade bait and give us a blockbuster.

Well if no one's going to do it...

You'll see. Unless you drilled out your eyes because they were too heavy.

all three courts running simultaneously? stream? keeping stats?

I'm electing myself alternate 9th team captain, here's the team:

Mr. Do

Alternate picks: Ramon, Matt Bobel, Brian Bolles

Lexington bike polo, if you choose to accep, get in touch.

To win I got Javier #1, Adam #2, Patti #3.

Willing to take bets. info@bikepolo.nyc

Best of the rest. I dig it.

Worth a shot. I can make some solid lines out of that crew.

Poster Updated.

Any updates to the rosters and stuff?

what happened to patti?

Real lyf shit (the good kind)

Has anyone dropped?

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

A few friendly Canadians

There have been a couple of changes to rosters. The link is below. Stay tuned for the full weekend schedule.



If you are coming to Lexington and would like to volunteer, please fill out the form below. Thank you.


Is someone driving from Chicago to Lexington? Flying there from GDL is half the price. Any suggestions on nearby airports?

I think Cincinnati is closest

still making book on this if anyone's into it. still got my originals.

I'm trying to get to Lex from central VA on Friday and back on Sunday night/Monday. if anyone is coming down the 95/81/64 route and can stand some company in the car and gas money, please let me know. I will also be looking to bring a bike. Thanks!

^ Someone hook this guy up

Substitutions have to be picked off the list of those who signed up for the draft, correct?

i would say of course, duh. you got a secret ringer you trying to sneak in late in the game?

That's what I thought. I've heard some things swirling around in the rumor mill.

I just looked back through the list and there are still some valuable players...THAT FOLLOWED THE RULES AND REGISTERED. what kind of fuckery is that where someone would be trying to outsource?!?! we all know part of the draft process is evaluating bail risk. this isn't news...people bail every year for whatever reason.


i AM relaxed. i'm super chill but still eager to put any alleged fuckery in check quicklike.

How many no-shows this year?

Combination of choice: Smash + Bang

Who won?

1. Hewitt
2. Forrest
3. Shannon

was there an MVP?

No but if there was it would have been Andrew.



Naw, Fletcher.


Let this be a lesson. I don't know shit.

And Javier... no more free range parenting... we gotta get you in game shape.